In my dream, I remember the details: my big brown faux wood work desk, the comfortable feel of the office, the almost pleasant yellowy-tan wall color, the plethora of sticky notes and colored pens, my hallway with familiar name plates, familiar noises, soft work sounds, buzzing computers, quiet and not-so-quiet advising sessions, my work-friends who became friend-friends. I was visiting the office almost as a ghost, and no one noticed me drifting. I was able to glide through the familiar halls and hover over the carpet filling my lungs with the old work air. I was a quiet observer. It was as if my soul had to make peace with this life change—this choice to leave my job. It was as if I had to check in with the physical space in a spiritual way to make sure this was a good change before I moved on—or as part of the moving on process. The dream reinforced that it was a good choice to leave a job that wasn’t my calling.
I feel lighter than I have in five and a half years. A smile comes to my face quicker, my gait is more relaxed, and my aura feels light. I am the me who was hiding under layers of stress, being pulled in twelve directions, feeling guilty that I was not doing more—guilty that my children were getting used to a too busy mom. It is all gone and it is just me. She who I have missed.
It takes strength to peel away the layers to excavate my true self. It takes a mountain of courage to trust that my work life will grow and fill me in ways I have not previously known. It takes forests of silence and solitude in equal measure to keep me primed so my soul can speak, and so I am receptive to what I hear. It takes an ocean of audacity to get up from behind the work desk and to say, “No more. I need more than this.”
I do have doubts about how my current work will fill in the gaps, but I know this choice was made for me in a cosmic way and spiraled down into my open heart. I had to listen, and I had to follow the call. I had to attune my ear to what was being whispered. The truly beautiful thing is that I don’t need to know exactly what my work life will look like. I know it will come. I have taken the first step.
The frequency I now travel is new to me. It is more subtle but so much more meaningful. It is quiet but so much more authentic. I am on my soul’s journey. I always have been, but I didn’t quite notice. All I know is, my life was calling, and I had to answer.
So I ask you this, what is changing in you? What do you need to listen to in your own life? What is beckoning you?
Published previously for Womanspace’s blog: http://www.holdingwomanspace.com/2013/06/change/