Parker Palmer, from Let Your Life Speak, states, “One of the hardest things we must do sometimes is to be present to another person’s pain without trying to ‘fix’ it, to simply stand respectfully at the edge of that person’s mystery and misery. Standing there, we feel useless and powerless, which is exactly how a depressed person feels–and our unconscious need as Job’s comforters is to reassure ourselves that we are not like the sad soul before us. In an effort to avoid those feelings, I give advice, which sets me, not you, free.”
When we hold space for one another, we are fully present to the other’s pain–to their mystery and misery. We are not trying to rush in to fill the circle of discomfort a friend or acquaintance feels, but instead we are fully present in the moment and in the sharing. We are witnesses to human experience. Holding space goes so much farther than offering words of advice. Our silence is the act of holding someone up, without words. Silence in this context is beautiful and non-judgemental, and it goes so much farther in offering comfort than our words could ever hope to offer.
Holding space is such a hard practice at first, because it is in our nature to want to rush into the center of the hurt and to do something about it. What if we didn’t rush so much? What if we listened and sat and held our friends close with our hearts? How would this revolutionize our relationships? I have a suspicion that we would be more apt to listen and to be fully present in the moment–and this may make all the difference in the world!
Photo credit: FotoRita [Allstar maniac] / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND
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Bill Britton said:
Thanks Heidi. I like what you said as much as I do what Palmer Parker said. Job’s counselors failed him, and how much better did they do (sitting with him silently with him for seven days and seven nights!!) than we do. Thanks for the reminder.
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heidi hewett said:
Why, thank you, Bill! It is pretty simple: showing up and being in this moment with those we are doing life with. It’s beautiful, really.
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Bill Britton said:
I would like to receive your blog when you post, but couldn’t make it happen from you site. Can you add me to your list? I’m at downwardmobilityblog@gmail.com. Thanks.
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heidi hewett said:
Hmmm…. there is a “Follow Blog via Email” section on the upper left hand corner below the picture. Did you click the “follow” button?
🙂
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My spouse and I stumbled over here by a different website and thought
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heidi hewett said:
Cool.
Welcome!
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shoemaker4him said:
Heidi, I first found you today at your post in Abbey of the ARts and left a comment. Decided to pop over here and find out more about you. I love who you are! We are kindred spirits. I was wondering if you would give me permission to repost this post from your blog on Holding Sacred Space of course giving you full credit. Here’s my blog if you want to check it out and see if you feel it is a good fit. shoemaker4him.blogspot.com.
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heidi hewett said:
Hi! Thank you for your kind words. I would love for you to share this post. It is a near and dear subject to my heart! ❤
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Bill Britton said:
Hey Heidi, It’s me again. I have a book, Wisdom From the Margins, which will be published next year. I would like to use a portion of what you’ve written above (the second paragraph) in the book. Can you tell me if I need to get permission, and if so, how? Thanks!
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heidi hewett said:
Hi Bill. If you’d just refer to me by my full name, Heidi Metrakoudes-Hewett, I’d appreciate that. Thank you for reaching out.
I look forward to seeing your book in print!
🙂
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Bill Britton said:
Will do! Thanks so much!
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